I have been living with chronic pain for nearly a year now and it has slowly gotten worse, episodes used to be a couple of hours and easily treated with fairly standard pain killers, now I have a lot more episodes sometimes lasting days, when even the likes of Tramadol and Oramorph won’t cut it, I actually understand now what the phrase “writhing in pain” actually means.
I am sat here trying to write this and I am the best part of 36 hours into the latest episode, then pain comes and goes, but never goes completely no matter how many drugs I take, and to make it worse my anxiety kicks in with the most stupid things, I only have 60 Tramadol left, which is approx 10 days worth so I probably need to get some next week, but already I’m fixated on it.
I have managed to have a massive row with my wife, not for anything she did wrong but because I was worrying about running out of Tobacco. So now she’s treading on egg shells round me, and I can’t even explain to her whats wrong or why I react to these tiny stupid things in the way I do, so last night we went to bed not speaking and this morning we are barely human to each other.
And to top everything off ‘Dave’ one of our chickens died in the night and had to be dealt with this morning. Dave was a Rhode Island Red, that we got as a chick, and has been with us for 3 years, A quirky lady who would follow you everywhere if she got the chance.
Dave is survived by her 3 siblings, Frank, Janet and Steve they all came to us at the same time at the beginning for lock down and have been great fun to have around, surprisingly enough sitting stroking a chicken on your lap in the garden is actually quite relaxing,
My Anxiety is one of the things I find almost impossible to control, even if I can see how stupid it is at the time, I am quickly overwhelmed which results in me going into a downwards spiral where the anxiety becomes depression, which fuels the anxiety even more.